Archive for August, 2008

Garfield – Welcome to funny

August 27, 2008

Lasagna CatsGarfield Minus Garfield‘s kind of funny but definitely worth checking out step brother.

My favorite two:


Woah Shoulders

August 27, 2008

From my new favorite blog.

Look at what this woman’s head is sitting on! Those shoulders are huge!

Stupid crooks are funny

August 26, 2008

Found this in my inbox today:

From the Daily Mail

As a burglar, John Pearce thinks nothing of turning his victims’ homes upside down.
But this time it was the house that turned him the wrong way up.

Attempting a daylight raid, the 32-year-old somehow got his foot caught after smashing his way through the front window of a Victorian terrace home at 6pm.

Unable to free himself, Pearce was left hanging upside down in the window frame for more than an hour as a crowd of 30 neighbours and passers-by gathered to ridicule him in Dartford, Kent.

Awesome. Big fan of poetic justice.

Dead Man Walking

August 21, 2008

From Barstool Sports

SAN JUAN, Puerto RicoA Puerto Rican man has been granted his wish to remain standing — even in death. A funeral home used a special embalming treatment to keep the corpse of 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina standing upright for his three-day wake.Dressed in a Yankees baseball cap and sunglasses, Pantoja was mourned by relatives while propped upright in his mother’s living room. His brother Carlos told the El Nuevo Dia newspaper the victim had long said he wanted to be upright for his own wake: “He wanted to be happy, standing.”

Do me a favor and make a mental note of where you were when you read this story.    Because I promise you this is going to revolutionize the wake business.   No more lying in the casket like a pussy.   Standing up while dead is going to become all the rage.  And it’s not going to stop with simple poses either.   Pretty soon the dead will be propped up watching TV, playing poker, dancing, riding a Jet Ski etc.  It’s going to become a game of who can top this.  And to think it all started in Puerto Rico with a man and his dream.   Somewhere Bernie Lomax is smiling….

Hey everybody! Look at the dead guy!

What would Madame Tussaud do.

Craiglist Rant – Real Life is No Fun

August 20, 2008

Sent to me via IM:

craigslist rant:Fuck you, cleaning the fridge. How the hell do you get so dirty? I don’t eat in there, I simply store food. What the fuck is that stain on the bottom shelf? Do gnomes have parties in here when I’m at work or something? Nasty little gnomes. And, for some reason, I feel really, really vulnerable when I’m bent over, scrubbing your gross shelves. Don’t know why. So thank you for keeping my beer cold, but fuck you for making a mess of it.

Fuck you, paying bills. Every goddamned month? Are you kidding me? I barely even watched TV this month, I still gotta shell out all that cash? And, while I’m at it, fuck your pathetic little late fees. They’re small enough for me to easily ignore them but they add up over time. So thank you for the electricity, water and internet, but fuck you for your constant demands.

Fuck you, deleting old porn to make room for new porn. What man can make this decision? It’s like choosing which of my kids to leave behind on the sinking ship. Am I tired of that one slightly chubby girl who doesn’t make much noise? Fuck, this is killing me. I hate my old ass computer.

Fuck you, changing light bulbs. It’s 2006, right? I was pissed when I wasn’t issued a jetpack in 2000 (where’s my fucking raygun?!?), but I figured by now technology would’ve at least advanced to the point where I don’t have to stand on my wobbly chair and deal with this crap. Two bonus fuck yous: for scaring the crap out of me when I walk into a darkened room, innocently flick the switch and get momentarily blinded by that huge flash and terrifying pop! Also, for somehow convincing your lightbulb brethren to join you, causing a chain reaction that means I’m filled with fear whenever I turn on a light. Pop! Pop! Pop! What, did you all join in a suicide pact while I was asleep?

Fuck you, washing dishes. Yes, I know, you smell funny, and I know the longer I wait, the more weird slime stuff is just gonna accumulate on you. That’s why I’ve pretty much switched to just using paper plates (fuck you, environment) and eating with my hands. I’m a caveman in an apartment.